Darwin Had It Right

Every year many of us enjoy a few morbid chuckles when winners of the prestigious Darwin Awards become known. As a rule these are stories of folks doing incredibly stupid things that result in their death - thus removing themselves and distilling the human gene pool. If tombstones were printed with one's last words, you'd be amazed at how many would read "Hey fellas, watch this!" or "Trust me, I know what I'm doing."


It is the non-fatal acts of stupidity that concern me the most - the ones that require heroic rescues and government disaster relief to overcome. Like the folks who build their ground-level homes on the perennial flood plains of major rivers - not the "100 year" flood plain, the just-over-the-levee flat fertile plains that are there because of the rich mud deposited during (you guessed it) FLOODS. These are the folks who tearfully tell reporters that they lost everything, then they seek disaster relief funds so they can clean up and REBUILD!!!


Every year during hurricane season there are the folks who steadfastly ignore the warnings to evacuate a barrier island (or New Orleans) because of an approaching hurricane. Then, at the height of the storm or during the flooding that follows expect the brave men and women of the Coast Guard to come rescue them. What is it about these people that makes them feel entitled to taxpayer money and life-risking actions of the CG to help them overcome their bad decisions?

While I find that sort of presumptuousness abhorrent, they are still a notch or two above those who took their FEMA handouts and used them to purchase designer handbags, jewelry, and table dances! Despite all the "bad money" wasted, there was still a lot of "good money" spent to provide relief for those who did evacuate and subsequently needed assistance to return and rebuild. I have no probelm helping those who were smart enough to help themselves.

Of course, then there is California. I love the logic applied in that beautiful state. "Look at the spectacular view from the top of this landslide/mudslide, honey! Why don't we build a multi-million dollar home here?" Who was the government mastermind that purchased undeveloped land for public schools? As a geologist, I know that mapping the San Andreas Fault system quickly can be accomplished by playing connect-the-dots with the public school locations! The coastal areas of California are rife with grassy hillsopes above dramatic canyons. Could it be that those are grassy hillsides because they are so frequently burned by (natural) wildfires that no trees of significant age can grow there? N0 - I'm sure it was just overlooked by previous developers who missed the opportunity to fill the canyon with expensive homes! "Buy now - a few choice lots left ... at Fuego Vista!!!"

Even people who (in theory) should know better, repeatedly ignore the signs that there are risks associated with certain landforms. Signs that should signal that there are periodic, if not frequent, processes in play that shape the land. I once had a geology professor (who should have known better) who parked his jeep in a dry stream bed (arroyo) in the western desert and hiked off for the day. When he returned after a long hot day in the desert he found his jeep a few hundred yards downstream - upside down and half buried in the mud after a flash flood had subsided. Apparently it had rained up in the mountains....

Mistakes are a natural part of the human condition. We should learn from them. Public money should not be spent to rescue people from their own stupidity. Personally, I don't think the skills and bravery of the Coast Guard should be squandered on those unwilling to help themselves - their job is hard enough. I don't want Coast Guard tombstones to read "We can't just leave them here!" - I'd rather rename entire towns of rubble to Darwinsburg!